Are You Freaking Kidding Me?
by TodgeWatherly
Summary: What if Will had never sucked up the courage to tell Grace about his true self. What if they had actually gotten married? Would Will have been able to keep up the charade forever?
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing about Will & Grace. It only wishes that I did.**_

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"What did you _just_ say?"

Will faltered a bit, knowing that – if he was completely honest with himself – this wasn't what he wanted. But he had to push forward, if not for himself, then for the girl standing before him, reeling from the question he had just asked of her. Her mouth hung open and her eyes resembled golf balls.

"I said, ah," he gave a short, nervous laugh and ran a hand through his hair awkwardly. "What I said – is – will – will," – he had to get this out, in one big rush – "willyoumarryme?" He finished quickly, spreading his arms out, waiting with bated breath for her answer.

"Oh – my – God!" Grace shouted, her voice already crumbling under the rush of emotion flooding her body. She settled down, tears running down her face. "Yes, Will Truman, I will marry you." It was as if she couldn't believe what had just transpired. Before long, however, she had jumped into Will's arms sending the two of them onto the bed. "I can't believe this is happening!"

Will forced a smile as he looked into her incredibly joyous face. "Neither can I," he responded, his mind spinning in circles as he realized what he had just done. "Neither can I."

"I have to go tell everybody!" Grace squealed as she leapt off the bed and raced down the stairs.

"Oh, okay," said Will, not really paying attention. A second too late, the full weight of her words hit him full in the face. "Oh, wait! Not yet!" Knocking some pillows aside, he jumped up and did his best to catch up to… his fiancée. "Oh, my God," he said aloud, realizing how ridiculous it all was. He slumped against the wall and continued down the stairs to the family room, from where came an increasing number of screams.

When he finally entered the room, there was piano and Grace and all her family were singing some ridiculous song about marriage. It made Will feel queasy. Clutching his stomach, he sighed, squared his shoulders and announced his presence.

"Hey, everyone! Come kiss your new son – brother – whatever else – in-law!" He swung his arms wide, inviting everyone for a hug. They all eagerly lined up – the ones who could stand that is, the ones who couldn't had to settle for a handshake – and embraced the young man who was about to become part of their family.

The celebrating continued for several hours, with Grace getting more and more intoxicated as the glasses of wine kept coming forth, and with Will feeling more and more ill as he faked smiles and laughed at jokes he didn't really ever hear, he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts.

After a while, when several of the older members of the Adler family had passed out, Grace's mother called 'lights out' and everyone trudged up to their beds.

"And Grace," she called after he daughter, "I know the rules but I guess we can make an exception to the sleeping arrangements, just this once," she added, smiling slightly. She winked at Will who felt his stomach lurch. She had mentioned to him the prospect of grandchildren and something about the sooner the better. It had made his knees tremble.

"Mo-om," said Grace, obviously embarrassed. But still she grabbed Will's hand and led him quickly up the stairs, giggling furiously. "Come on!" she said, playfully tugging on Will's arm in an effort to increase his pace.

"Alright, alright," he said, finding incredible difficulty in merely swallowing. "Right behind you."

Looking completely ecstatic, Grace shut the door behind them, unable to stop twittering like some ridiculous songbird.

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It was the next morning and the engaged couple woke up lazily in the early afternoon; they wouldn't be leaving for a while so they felt no rush. Grace opened her eyes, in a dreamy state, with her arms moving about in the air gracefully and her hands playing with one another. She turned onto her side.

"Morning, my fiancée," she greeted, smiling widely and fingering his hair.

Will laughed, a short and panicked laugh. "Yea, huh, morning." He sat up in bed and rested against the headboard. "We should probably get packing, you know, make sure we leave in time."

Grace pushed him back down onto the bed. "There's no rush. Besides, there's something I want to do before we leave." She suddenly seemed very shy and timid, but there was something mischievous in her eyes. Will almost gagged.

"Oh, you mean – you mean – that," he said nervously, his hands gesturing emphatically. "Huh, gee, Grace, I dunno…" He scratched his head and looked down, thinking of a way to get out of this. The previous night he had managed to back his way out of Grace's romantic plans by pretending to be exhausted. Now, he had no plan and he was desperate for someone to throw him a lifesaver.

Almost as though from divine intervention, there was a knock at the door. "Grace, honey," called Bobbi, Grace's mother. "Time to get up, dear. We've got breakfast waiting for you two." She sounded as though she was filled to the brim with happiness, her voice was just bubbling over.

Grace groaned and threw off the sheets. "Alright, mom," she groaned. "We'll be right down." Putting a smile on again, she tickled Will for a second before getting up to use the bathroom.

Jokingly, Will called out, "Don't forget the matches."

Grace snorted.

As he got dressed and brushed his teeth, there was only one thing Will could focus on. "M_orning, my fiancée."_

He leaned heavily against the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror. "What have I done?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Will & Grace. It just wishes that I did.**

**Note: In case anyone didn't know, Will and Grace are still in college, just like when Will proposed on the TV show.**

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**Chapter Two: What – are you crazy?**

Breakfast had been awkward, to say the least. Will had stumbled through the whole ordeal, spilling his juice and buttering his palm by accident. Everyone got a huge kick out of it; they were all still in a good mood from the previous night. But Will felt this incredible feeling of doom welling up within him, billowing like the sails of ship going twenty-five knots an hour. Each time Grace looked into his eyes and smiled, crinkling her nose as she laughed happily, running her fingers through his hair playfully, he wanted to scream. He wanted to stand up, throw his hands in the air and shout to the world the words he was dying to say.

He didn't love Grace. Well – wait – he thought, rearranging the mess in his head – I do love her, just not like that. She would be perfect – absolutely, sublimely perfect – for him… if only it wasn't for that one thing. It nagged him in the back of the head, tugged at the roots of his hair and made his skin crawl.

When he looked at his fiancée, he saw a beautiful girl with a mop of bouncy red curls, a slim figure, and a smile so wide and lovely he envied it. But whenever she approached him, with a fire in her eyes, with her fingers touching his body lovingly, he cringed and drew back, making silly excuses. Your hands are too cold, I'm feeling kind of icky right now, Better not tempt me lest I jump you… They all worked then, but would she still buy them now?

Also, there was an annoying voice in his head, an incessant nagging, a feminine squeal that truly irked Will to no end. It kept up a steady chant, a strong river of flowing words that scared Will, shocked him to his core and kept him on the brink of a breakdown.

"You're gay Will! You're gay! You're gayer than the day is long! You're Marvin Gaye!"

The words of Jack, some flamboyant high school kid he had met like twice would not stop buzzing around his head. It had started with one simple party; the kid has snuck in and made a big display of himself to the crowd before addressing Will and making him feel very uncomfortable. And then a few months later he had snuck into Will's room during yet another party and hid in the closet, surprising Will and making yet another accusation on Will's deviant sexuality.

Will had managed to dispose of him quickly each time, but still the kid's words had affected him greatly, a little more with passing day. It suddenly seemed possible, made everything make sense, and turned the universe into the scariest horror movie ever made. Was he gay? How had he never realized?

But… as Bobbi Adler passed him more eggs – he was too thin, apparently – it dawned on him… that it wasn't odd… just scary… as though… as though… it was possible.

No! It couldn't be possible… could it? Then why couldn't he consummate their relationship? Why was he unable to take her like she wanted him to? Maybe… he… was…

"Will, is something bothering you?" Grace asked, interrupting his train of thought. She looked concerned but there was still a dreamy, faraway look in her eyes, as if she couldn't have been happier.

He choked on his toast and needed to be handed a glass of water before responding. "Yea, yea… I'm fine." He smiled. "Just thinking about – you know," - he waved his hand about as he thought of something to say – "wedding plans," he finished.

Bobbi gasped and clasped her hands together in ecstasy. "Oh, isn't that just wonderful. Yes, yes, of course. Grace, darling, we must start planning the wedding immediately. Oh, honey, just leave it all to me. I do, after all, have impeccable taste." She indicated the nicely furnish living room behind her.

Grace shot Will a look of amused exasperation before grabbing him by the hand and running off, leaving their plates at the table. "We've got to get ready, Mom. Our train leaves in an hour."

This was something that Will was thankful for: he loved to pack, keeping everything orderly. He would be distracted for at least twenty minutes and given the vortex within his head, it would be highly appreciated. Grace merely shoved all her nonsense into her suitcase, sitting on top of it to shut it. Will cringed just looking at the mess.

"I can't wait to tell everyone back at school!" remarked Grace, gaily, frolicking about the room.

"Yea," laughed Will, nervously. "Neither can I."

His stomach seemed to have disappeared and he was getting through the day by sheer will. Once he made it back to the dorm room, he could relax and think about things.

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"Dude, are you serious? You asked her to marry you?" asked Rob, Will's roommate, his face full of shock.

Will smiled, but it was a sad smile. "Yea," he shrugged slightly, "I did."

"But – why?" said Rob, quite loudly, his mind apparently unable to comprehend the situation.

Will was caught off guard. For one thing, he hadn't expected Rob to be back from vacation for two more days which put a damper on his plans for peace and quiet. And for another thing, he had no answer.

"I dunno. I mean, it felt – it felt right," he lied, in response to Rob's incredulous look.

"But, dude, you're still in college. You're only…" Rob trailed off as he thought, "you're still young! Dude, are you sure you want to do this?"

Hanging his head and running his hands through his hair, Will sighed. "I really don't know."

"You don't know! What do you mean 'I don't know?"" yelled Rob, flinging his arms wildly. "This isn't like picking a major or whatever, it's the big –"

"Rob! Shut up already!" snapped Will.

Complying to his roommate's demands, Rob did indeed shut up, throwing Will a dirty look as he climbed onto his bed and muttering something about 'I was just trying to help.'

His emotions rising uncontrollably, Will paced the room for a few minutes before grabbing the phone and walking through the door. He set off, stalking down the hallway and heading for the nearest bathroom. He pushed through the door, turned on al the faucets and locked himself inside one of the stalls. Fortunately, very few people had returned from winter break yet so Will was fairly sure of his privacy.

Sitting on the toilet seat, he hastily pulled out a slip of paper from his pocket and dialed the number quickly, his fingers trembling. One ring, two rings, three rings…

"This is Jack, member of Wham."

"Hey, Jack? It's me, Will."

"Ohhhh, William. Yes, I do remember you. Have you come to your senses yet, my fruity friend?" His tone was mocking, as though he was enjoying messing with Will.

"No, I have not come to my senses! I mean, yes I have but it's not what you think! Listen to me, I need you to take back what you said."

"You want me to what?"

"Take it back," hissed Will, his voice rising in pitch. "Ever since you said all that crap to me, my mind's been going in circles."

"Well, of course it has. It ain't easy to admit it, Will. But you do have to do it, eventually." Will was stunned. Jack actually sounded sincere, like he cared.

"Do what? What am I supposed to do?"

"Isn't it obvious? Come out!" Jack sighed impatiently, as though dealing with a foolish child.

"Come out? I don't have to come out. I'm not gay!" Will realized his tone was way too defensive. He tried to relax. "Listen, I'm not gay. I have a girl –"

"Yea, yea," cut in Jack, scoffing, "I know, I know, you have a girlfriend, whatever."

"Actually," said Will, smugly, "she's my _fiancée_, now."

"What?"

"You heard me," replied Will, his tone more confident now. "She's my _fee_-_an_-_say_."

Jack seemed to be shocked into silence – which was a first. He only sounded like he was choking on something, as though the shock had messed with his pipes.

"Well?" pressed Will. "What do you have to say _now_? Jack McFarland?"

Finally, Jack was able to respond. "What – are you _crazy_? Are you out of your _mind_, you crazy – and fat – bat? You can't marry that girl, Will. You're _gay_!"

"Stop saying that! I am not gay!"

"Then why the hell are you calling me?" demanded Jack, sounding furious.

"Because – because I wanted you to leave me alone, to stop pestering me and to stop calling me gay."

"Okay," said Jack. "One – I never called you, you called me. Twice. Two – what, you don't have other friends to talk to? Why did you choose to call me? And besides," – he paused for a moment – "if you're not gay, then why is this bothering you so much?"

There was only silence on Will's end. Jack was right and he knew it. He had known it all along but had refused to admit it. "Jack," he said, in a tiny voice, a voice full of sadness and calm, "I'm gay."

"Well, duh! I've been telling you that all along. Question is, what are you gonna do about it now? You are _engaged_ after all."

"I know that," snapped Will. This was all too much for him. He rubbed his forehead, hoping that the motion would somehow relieve his pain, make everything alright. But it didn't, of course.

Jack thought for a moment, humming a tune that Will recognized to be from Dream Girls, and then said, "Hey, do you have any plans this weekend?"

Confused, Will answered, "No, I don't think so."

"Well, you do now," said Jack casually. "You're meeting me at that bar off campus, you know – Secret's Out – know where it is?"

"Yea," said Will, slowly. He had never been there but he had passed it on several outings.

"Right. Meet me there this Saturday. Tenish. Bring your wallet." And with that, he hung up the phone, leaving Will with nothing but a steady tone in his ear.

_Bring my wallet?_


	3. Chapter 3: Secret's Out

Disclaimer: I don't own Will&Grace. It just wishes that I did.

_A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it took so long for an update but I've been caught up with one of my other fics for a while. Seeing as this one is more to pass the time, it took a seat on the back-burner. But I'll try to update more regularly from now on._

_Hope you enjoy!_

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**Chapter Three: Secret's Out**

He had been waiting outside the club for nearly an hour, having arrived much too early. In his haste and nervousness, Will had read the campus bus map incorrectly and misjudged the time it would take to travel to Secret's Out. It was November. It was snowing.

He was cold.

Something inside of him, his bits that were more sensitive to the cold, no doubt, told him to go inside, that he was a fool to wait here, out in the snow, looking like an idiot. However, he was too scared to go inside the bar alone. He needed to wait for Jack.

Shivering, he checked his watch and saw it'd be another fifteen minutes before his expected meeting with the guy. Even now, Will couldn't believe what he had done. Jack was almost a perfect stranger and yet he knew something about Will that no one else in his life did.

Will was gay. He had just come out a few days ago…after getting engaged…to a girl…

God, I'm stupid, he thought bitterly, kicking at the snow. Was he even sure about this? he wondered, going through all of it in his mind again. He had taken to replaying his life over and over again, trying to sift through all the memories for something he'd missed, something that would give him the final answer.

But even as he desperately tried to prove the contrary, Will knew there was no other option: he was gay, and secretly, he had always known it. He'd always loved spending his time with his mother, discussing trivial matters of fluff and gossip. Musicals were his life and he'd just about die if anyone ever took away his show tune records. During gym in high school, he'd just never been able to take his eyes off the jocks changing in the locker room. It all made sense.

Yet, the young man still wished that it didn't, still hoped that perhaps he and Jack had made a mistake in their judgment of one Will Truman.

He was just desperate. Through denial and ridiculous wishing, Will had dug himself a hole so deep that it seemed impossible he could ever climb out. He was engaged and he was gay. How the hell was he supposed to tell Grace?

"Hello, sir. Might I escort you inside?" asked a rather seedy looking man. He appeared to be about thirty and in desperate need of a shower and a shave. Currently, he was looking at Will with an odd gleam in his eyes. It both excited Will and freaked him out.

"Uh, no thanks. I'm just waiting for my friend," he responded, as politely as he could.

"I could be your friend," suggested the man. He stepped in closer, cornering Will with his breadth. He really was standing too close…

"Get away from him, you creep!" scolded a rather high-pitched voice. Something knocked into the back of the man and he pitched forward; Will had to scramble to get out of his path.

"Hey, listen buddy, I was just trying to make some conversation with this lovely young man here."

"Yea-whatever-goodbye-love-you-hate-you," rattled Jack as he quickly spun the man away. He gave Will an annoyed look. "What, two minutes and you're already in trouble? Don't you think you're in quite enough of that?"

Will tried to explain but Jack quickly cut him off. He too was shivering. "Whatever, let's get inside."

As they stepped through the doors, Will was hit by the heat of the bar and scared by the blasting music. It featured a rather lively tempo that was a huge difference from the quiet streets. Everyone Will looked, there were men. Young men, old men, handsome men, ugly men – just men. It was rather unnerving to see.

"What is this place?" Will asked, straining to make himself heard. Jack threw him a look.

"Secret's Out. Duh." He led the way to the bar.

"No – but – like, why are there only guys here?"

Jack froze, and then turned to face Will, his face full of shock and dismay. "You're joking, right? This is all some sort of leftover hetero humor I don't understand?" At Will's pleading look, he went on, sighing exasperatedly. "Hello? What did you think secret's out meant?"

"You don't mean… This is a gay bar?" Will hissed, suddenly feeling his heart begin to race. He wasn't ready for this and his outfit was completely wrong…he never would've worn these jeans…

"Well, I certainly wasn't going to bring you to a place where heteros are allowed to run around free of judgment. The sight of them going at it –" Jack shivered – "gives me the creeps. No, no. This will do. Besides, it's your first night out, we're not looking for anything to happen."

"Right, right," said Will, shaking slightly. "Nothing's gonna happen." He was speaking to himself more than anyone else.

"Exactly," piped Jack, glancing at Will's get up. "Especially not dressed like that."

"Yea – hey!" said Will angrily, looking hurt and embarrassed. "I didn't know this was a club for gay men, alright? I figured we'd just be talking."

"Oh we will. Like we'd do anything else. Puh-leaz." He gave Will another look over and walked away, his face full of disgust and contempt.

Once at the counter, Jack ordered two light beers and then looked expectantly at Will.

"What?" he asked, wondering if there was something he had missed.

"Hello? I did tell you to bring your wallet didn't I?"

"Oh," said Will, pulling out some money. He paid for the drinks, mumbled a quick thank you to the bar tender – with a bit of stuttering, the bar tender really was rather cute – and looked around. It still was odd to see a place full of gay men. He wasn't sure what he had expected but he had hoped for something a bit more his style.

Jack was grinning broadly, clearly checking out the guys nearest to him. "So," he said, leaning in, "what do you think?"

Will shrugged. "Are all gay bars this loud?"

"Pssh, this ain't nothing. Just you wait. Anyways, we better find a place to sit before all these guys start coming onto me. But," he said, laughing a little, "can you blame them?"

Will cleared his throat.

This was going to be interesting.

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_A/N: It's not much, but it's still something. Please review and I promise the next one will be more substantial. Thanks!_


	4. Chapter 4: Tell Her

Disclaimer: I don't own Will&Grace. It only wishes I did.

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A/N: So I thought this fic was just going to die but I've found myself desperate to write something as I'm in a rather bad state right now. So here's another chapter and I plan on updating this more regularly. Enjoy!

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"Oh my God, will you check out that vision of loveliness over there?" said Jack over the top of his beer and looking rather intently past Will.

Nervously, Will turned around and saw a very handsome man. He seemed to scouting the area, his eyes traveling in every direction as though searching for hidden treasure. He turned back to see Jack ogling some other guy now. While Will did rather like being able to discuss attractive guys freely, he was getting impatient.

He snapped his fingers in front of Jack's face. "Hey!" he snapped, "I thought we were going to talk."

"Well, what do you call this?" Jack looked bewildered.

"No, I thought we were going to talk about serious stuff." He spoke quietly for no real reason. Only then did Will realize how being secretive had become such a normal part of his life. It sickened him.

"Oh, so you want to get deep. Are you sure you're ready?" He looked curiously at Will, raising one eyebrow.

"No?" ventured Will, choosing to be honest. He didn't get to do that much in his life.

"Well, duh. No one is ever actually completely ready to talk about this stuff when it's so new. But let's give it a shot, shall we?" He took a sip of his beer. "So, you're gay, huh?"

Will nodded. "Seems like it."

"When did you first discover this?"

It was slightly funny, as though Jack was interviewing him about something as mundane as being an accountant.

"Well," said Will, thinking hard, "I guess I always sort of knew."

Jack beamed and clapped his hands. "Exactly right! Good for you. So, you're engaged huh?"

"Yepp." It still made Will queasy to think about his recent engagement.

Jack set his drink down and his face suddenly looked more serious. "How do you feel?"

Will thought about this and there was only one answer. "I feel completely sick."

Again, Jack smiled. "Just what I thought. It must be eating at you. Not to mention all the catching up you need to do with men."

"Catching up… Oh. Oh!," he said, catching on as Jack winked. "Well," he said, laughing nervously, "I don't think I'm quite ready for that."

"Hmmm, seems not," remarked Jack, looking Will's clothing choices over. He wasn't working very hard to conceal his dislike. "Either way, you know there's only one remedy for this."

"What is it?"

"You've got tell people you're gay."

"Shu–" Will almost hushed Jack but realized he didn't have to. Jack still caught on, however.

"See how completely twisted this is? It's become second nature to keep it secret and you can't keep on living like this."

Will sighed, knowing Jack was right. "I don't think I have it in me, though. I'm just…not ready."

"Don't worry. I'll get you ready. For now we can just talk about it, you know, plan it out."

"Plan it out?"

"Like decide who you're going to tell first."

"Oh…"

"You should tell your fiancée first."

Will nearly spewed his drink. "Grace? First? She'll kill me."

"And who could blame her. But take it from me, if she finds out other people knew first, she'll be out for blood." He casually returned to sipping his drink and scoping out the local talent.

Will knew Jack was right. It all made sense. How could he not tell Grace first? But then he thought of the look of joy on her face after he had proposed, remembered the ecstatic cries here family had given upon hearing the news, recalled the smile on her face when they woke up together the next morning. He couldn't do this to her, couldn't bring her world crashing down around her just because he had been too cowardly to do the right thing.

There was no way he could do it. He held his head in his hands, moaning as Jack bopped along to the music.

Will looked up. Jack noticed and eyed him curiously.

"So," he said, "do we have a verdict?"

Will nodded, a small smile on his face. "I can't do it. I'm going to have to marry her."

Jack merely stared in shock.


End file.
